Did you know that every woman has a love list? The list that defines the attributes of what she is looking for in a man? Its true, whether we choose to write them down or not, it exists. I have mixed opinions about having a list. On one hand, I think writing down all the attributes you are looking for in a man gets you to really sit down and think about it closely and decide what are the most important things for you. On the other hand, does it set you up for too high expectations?
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About a year ago, I read an article in Oprah magazine by Alice Gorman called "The Love List". It was about how this woman who was a widow for many years, decided to write down 100 attributes of what she would like to have in a mate. I was lucky enough to find the article online so I can share it with you. "Was it coincidence or magic? Alice Gorman wrote 100 things she wanted in a man, burying the list in a closet. And then, oddly enough, a man who matched the list almost exactly strolled into her life. Seriously, people, how did that happen? "
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I’ve had two very different opinions on this matter. One from my life coach and the other from my dear friend who is a dating coach. The dating coach told me to realistically think of the percentages. So for example, I am looking for a tall, handsome, financially stable man around my age. (and these are the basics!) (You’ve read my profile so you know exactly…) Lets say there are only 10% of the male population in the LA area, that are around my age. And of that 10%, 3% of them are gay, another 4% are not tall or handsome and 2.5% are not financially stable. That leaves me with .5% of men. (Of course, I don’t know actual figures this is just an example.) So the dating coach feels I should make compromises of what I am looking for. Really decide the priorities. My life coach says "Our history and experiences influence the creation of our doubt. Which can make the mind think you really can’t have the whole package and that your divine mate may not be "in the cards". But none of us have a desire that doesn’t have a fulfilling counterpoint. That is a fundamental truth whether everyone realizes it or not. We do not desire what is not "in-the-cards" for us."
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So I guess what I take from all of this are the following thoughts: 1. It’s good to define what attributes in a man are important to you. 2. Never settle. Listen to your instincts. If you have a feeling that someone is missing a quality, listen to those instincts, they are there for a reason. (I would much rather be single and happy than in a bad relationship and be unhappy…anyday!) 3. Be open minded to new qualities and know that your list may change and involve in time. 4. That no one can define true chemistry of why it happens. Why sometimes you get those butterflies in your stomach every time you see him and why for others you don’t. 5. And my favorite: That when its right, it will come easy.
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What’s been interesting in my life over the past few months is that I have found myself extremely attracted to someone who is not much of anything on my list. So what’s that all about? Then I go out with a different man, who IS my list. Tall, handsome, financially stable, loves dogs, the beach, very funny, and physically cut. Quite yummy actually. 1st date, had a great time, but I had no sparks. So I tell myself, how much can you really tell on the first date. 2nd date, also fun… but I really had no attraction what so ever! But I had to give this one a 3rd date…he is my list so what is going on! By the 3rd date, the universe is now screaming at me that I should not be with him. It was awkward, some annoying moments, I won’t get into the details… So when it comes to those moments when you are "doing the dance" with someone or timing seems off for whatever reason… My life coach said "Here’s the bottom line: when two people are "ready" and right this kind of dancing doesn’t go on.". I see it as you are worthy of what you ask for, no compromises will need to be made. The universe will make it easy for you because it is right and your desire coming to fruition. That’s a really nice way of thinking about it. Makes me smile ear to ear. : )